How Sandy Thompson chose her path

Five is my favourite number
But I have no use for an extra appendage
Four seems more appropriate
But that's just the way it is
Maybe someday evolution
Will give me just a little more
The choice is mine, but there's no proof
And there's no cure for ignorance

Two minutes of silence sometimes
Is better than an hour of tunes

Raise your head so you can be seen
Praise the snake; sometimes it's all that matters
Raise your head and you will be noticed
Fail to speak and forever hold your peace

There's only one thing left to be
So grow a pair or grow a pair

Wait

You call out to me, I feign ignorance
You inch forward
Even though I've been standing here for days,
This lightning is relentless
Your promises come clean, gleaming with truth
Covered in a coat of chaos, they call out

Draw me closer, I keep inching forward
This was not supposed to happen, you didn't return
But then you did, although I didn't see you
I never see you, I avert my gaze
You grip me
Over and over again, until I'm forced to look
Until you're out of sight again
Then there's the wait; the long and arduous wait
But I wait; it's what I do best

Every Time, With Bruises

I dream you in, I drain you out
You return, confusing
Grow on me, I cut you off
Always above me
One swift blow and a twelve step programme
Find the cure, blame the weak
Your thighs, open to interpretation
With instructions inscribed at the back

Oh my God, Oh my God
Write me a note, write me off
Oh my God, Oh my God
These leaves will all be blown away

I fuck you hard, you fuck me up
Every time, with bruises
You trip on me, I rip you out
Your roots will tie me down again
Ten swift blows, no twelve step programme
Will find the cure, steer the weak
Your thighs and rubber ducks belong
To someone less deserving

Comfort in disobedience

What surges out of me is nothing but indecency
What I long to give to you, but that's what I won't do
Anymore, any time, these butter soaked fingers 
Will get their grip and gouge out your truth

This time it's not me
It's just who you think I am
This time it's not me
I know that you're not real

Trying to be a billion things that comfort me
Comfort you, but that won't happen because it's you
These fallen filings, dropped down to the ceiling
Expect it not to go away, expect it to disobey

Classroom Confusion

Conclusions will be drawn with the sound of nails on a blackboard
Even though I can see, still need someone to lead me
Always felt the need to be a little more, a little lost
And when you found me you were confused

What's hitting you this time?
Is it helping like you thought it would?
What's hitting you this time?
I hope you'll say it's me again

I took the high road, let you slip away
But you returned, only to push my buttons again
I know and you know where this will go
This time I won't watch, I'll be a part of this show

Clay and Bones and Us

I saw the stream and crossed it
Even though my feet were dry
I set forth with determination
And a sack of numbers on my back
The further I got, the lighter I felt
The closer I got, the farther you strayed
I thought this was better, bolder, bigger
But you continued following

It's all just hopes and dreams
Made of clay and bones and us
It's all just hopes and dreams
Your lovelessness and your mistrust

Like all misguided stars, when you start to crash
The dust that you inhale won't save you
This developing distance is just a dance away
But it's one you won't entertain
These messages are clear and fluid
Draining all the evidence of wasted trials
It hurts, but you won't want to admit
You might feel something, anything

Deserved

I took a step back, I couldn't breathe
It made me see exactly what I wanted
Getting back to basics making me sick
Making me bleed with confusion, turning you on
This incessant breathing must be stopped
It's the only cure I can find that cuts
This silence thick as the walls you've built
Chain me down, I won't try to escape.

Who said you could stay?
Watch me play and weigh me down

If breathing was an option, would you take it away?
Would you set fire instead to my legs
My eyes ache for they can still see
You in your multiple masks of madness
This track that plays on loop in my head
Creates an unkind echo, simulates
Stimulates your bad behavior, adds layers
It will not go unnoticed, you will be redeemed.

One Trip Love

When I first tasted you, I thought you were a dream
Felt as though nothing could ever make me feel so real
Beyond my wildest imagination, you filled that bitter void
I could never get enough of you, you made me feel so high

You are so strong, I am so weak
In front of you I drop and kneel
Now after so long, I surrender to you
It's not easy, but this time I'll come through

An emptiness I felt when you were not around
I let you rule supreme when I was content to be the clown
I let you into my life over and over again
But now I realise that things will never be the same

You are so strong, I am so weak
In front of you I drop and kneel
Now after so long, I surrender to you
It's not easy, but this time I'll come through

(Alternate Second Chorus)

Now I've never felt so strong
Strong enough to know that I was weak and you were wrong
I thought I'd win, I tried to conquer you
The war was in vain because deep down I never wanted too

Satisfaction

This rage inside me must be satisfied
This fear inside me is not justified
Let down your hair let me pull you closer
Down on your knees, mouth wide open

Break you down I will
Cos that's what you deserve
Tear you apart I will
Break you further

Your reasoning, frail, giving away
You will let me have my way tonight
This hot, hard truth you feel inside

Putting out the fire

Put my finger on the bottle
And the flame goes out
I wish it was that easy
I'd use that trick on you
Reeking of desperation
The TV stays off
This is not a drill
But is this for real?

Again

This is the path I choose again
I'm a glutton for punishment..
And as I move I recollect
All those times I won't forget
Where this is coming from
I love the thrill of a chase
But inevitably I end up short of breath
Chasing those coloured helium balloons around
Will be the death of me someday
But I'd do it again and again
Till it feels like I'll never be the same
And then I'll do it again

Round we go again
Spinning till everything looks the same
When it all ends, I will start over again..

Cos I believe that this insanity
Is what keeps me on my feet
And even though I'll end up on my knees
It's a feeling I can't ignore
But is this what you're looking for?
Is this what you want,
Not what you think you want
If it's not, then I'll move on..
And do it all over again

I know I'm not invincible
But I'm also not invisible

Straightjacket Thighs

There are holes where my eyes should be
But I still see what I shouldn't
These ears are closing in
But I still hear the echo
Controlling, binding, can't let go, can't break free
Searing, stabbing, arms are stretching out to choke you

Falling into a blank page
Invisible lines
Staring into murderous eyes
Straightjacket thighs

Sick caramel delight ruined me
My size 10 shoes, clean as ever
Walk away, your hair don't scare me
This frying pan of delight keeps waiting
My body's melting, drifting, dripping
Light never dims, night never turns

Untitled #57

When the home screen on your phone shows nothing but the time
You know it's time to put those bags away and live for another
It's just the way you made me
It's just the way I saw it
There's nothing wrong with giving me your kind

So why don't you come
And fuck my mind again?
Why don't you come
And drive me up the wall
Why don't you look at me
With dazed confusion in your eyes?
And say some other time

The light outside my window doesn't shine
All the hair you left on my pillow swept away
The music doesn't play quite the same
But I'm getting closer and you're getting older

Well you don't seem to want anything at all
So why don't you let me give you just that?

So why don't you come
And fuck my mind again?
Why don't you come
And drive me up the wall
Why don't you look at me
With dazed confusion in your eyes?
And say some other time

This one's about trying to let go.

Modern Machines

Come up for air but I still can't breathe
Strike me again, watch me fall
Something breaks with every second of silence
As I dig at the earth to cover my feet

Breaking these modern machines
Relentlessly, exhausting
Breaking these modern machines
Frantic, with precision..

This is what I asked for
But is this what you wanted?

Breaking these modern machines
Fighting, relentlessly, exhausting
Breaking these modern machines
Frantic, with precision..

They smile as they stick out their tongues
At me they won't stop feeding

Regress into what seems to fit, I find these useless contradictions
These colours they all seem the same in this comic scene
Sickening silence, while nothing will see this done
I'll fall until I accept it..

This song is about trying to break free into something new. And failing. And trying again.

This Saturday

There’s a light when it’s dark
Distant times and places go hand in hand
Never ending sympathy paves way for the end
Will it ever be the same, or will it bend?

Stay away this Saturday
Let’s just keep what remains
Stay away this Saturday
What remains will never change

The love, the lies
All just fiction between your thighs
Here it is, the bullet.. In your mind
Scratch it out, leave it behind

This song is about ignoring signs and acting impulsively. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway. I kept doing it. I still do it.

I'm starting to hate being a nice guy

I've done some pretty fucked up things in my life and I'm not proud of them. Maybe that's why I try and overcompensate by being such a fucking good boy. But I'm sick of it. Sick of being pushed around and sick of being taken by granted. Right now, my self esteem has hit an absolute low. I hate my job, I can't get laid and I've hit a writers block where it comes to my lyric writing. I'm also not getting enough time for my music, which is what all I want to be doing ultimately. But I'm a fucking slave to my current lifestyle. I've been spoiled. I can't quit my job because I need the money. Come to think of it, this isn't any better than the drugs I was doing eight years ago. Of course, my life is better and I can think more clearly now than I ever did. So is this a sign? Is there some sorta place or time I'm supposed to branch off into? Fuck knows.

 

This is me, 'pondering'