I've done some pretty fucked up things in my life and I'm not proud of them. Maybe that's why I try and overcompensate by being such a fucking good boy. But I'm sick of it. Sick of being pushed around and sick of being taken by granted. Right now, my self esteem has hit an absolute low. I hate my job, I can't get laid and I've hit a writers block where it comes to my lyric writing. I'm also not getting enough time for my music, which is what all I want to be doing ultimately. But I'm a fucking slave to my current lifestyle. I've been spoiled. I can't quit my job because I need the money. Come to think of it, this isn't any better than the drugs I was doing eight years ago. Of course, my life is better and I can think more clearly now than I ever did. So is this a sign? Is there some sorta place or time I'm supposed to branch off into? Fuck knows.
This is me, 'pondering'